Hey Reader,

Did you know...

All men lie.

All men cheat.

All men take everything you have and eventually, they will leave.

With nothing.

Moral of the story... Never, ever, ever trust a man.

And don't be stupid enough to marry one.

And BTW, being a lesbian is a sin and you'll burn in hell for eternity.

I heard this over and over again throughout my entire childhood. And when I say throughout my childhood...I literally mean it. It ran as an undercurrent in my life.

Do you want to take a wild guess in how it impacted my life? My sense of self? My beliefs about heterosexual relationships?

And how hyper-independent I became... since I could never, ever truly trust a man?

If you know me personally, you know that I've been with my husband for 36 years. And he doesn't intentionally lie, he's never cheated, and even if I changed all the locks on the house, he'd be waiting on the porch for me to open the door.

Still, I expected it to eventually go to shit, so I lived with Plan B in the back of my mind for at least 20 years, just in case my mom was right.

See, this was her story.

It was her experience.

And the pain and hurt she experienced deeply impacted how she experienced life. It also impacted her sense of self, her identity, and ultimately her happiness.

It was never my story to carry.

You might be asking, why I'm sharing this with you.

Well, my mom believed that everything was in past. Even though, she'd bring it up often. Her beliefs and behaviors continued to be influenced by this unresolved grievance. This unresolved pain and hurt. And she was not consciously able to see the connection.

Here's what happens for so many of us. We believe we've forgiven someone or something because time passed.

We stopped thinking about it.

We say things like, "That's water under the bridge" or "I don't even let that bother me anymore."

And yet the impact of that situation still shapes our decisions, our beliefs, how we move through relationships, and what we expect from ourselves and others.

Take someone who was cheated on in a monogamous relationship. The person may be long gone. But the residue shows up anyway.

Difficulty trusting.

A quiet belief that they aren't enough to be chosen.

And even a hypervigilance in a perfectly safe partnership.

That residue is an unprocessed grievance running in the background of the mind.

Think of it as an open tab on a computer...left open...and completely forgotten!

Do you do that, or is it just me??

That open tab is still using power...it's still using energy!

Some of our experiences (often the most challenging ones) become opportunities for a deeper understanding of the self. It's often the catalyst for a dynamic shift in how you perceive yourself and how you experience life.

When we courageously work through the stuff we're holding onto--do the healing work...which might include forgiveness and releasing it...and finally closing that tab so it's no longer running in the background.

Oftentimes, we don't even know we've been carrying the weight of it all until it's been integrated, forgiven and ultimately, released.

Forgiveness is never about the other person. It's not saying, "What you did was okay." Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the hidden grip of the past.

You reclaim the energy that past pain and hurt has been quietly using. You let yourself see what's still running. And you finally close the tab.

To help with this process, I created a Forgiveness Inventory. I have interacted with far too many people who have said, "That's in the past. I don't even think about it at all anymore. So, there's no need to bring it up now." And yet, the impact of that experience runs deep in their subconscious.

So the very first step isn't forgiving.

It's becoming aware.

How has this situation influenced the ways I experience my life?

Here are a few questions that can help you explore your relationship with forgiveness:

Download It Here:

Relationship With Forgiveness.png

If you're ready to feel the absolute freedom that comes with forgiving others (or yourself), this month, inside our paid Love Being community, I'm guiding members through a Life Map process.

You will identify the experiences still shaping your world without your permission. You will see what's still running. And you will move through a step-by-step process to release what no longer needs to steer your life.

This is deep work. And it's work best done in community.

Inside our paid community, you get: